a wishlist
I don’t like resolutions. I used to think they were a great idea, but as I’ve gotten older, it feels instead like a way to track failures. There is often so much hope and ambition at the beginning of the year, when I’m feeling refreshed after having a few days off and a slow week at work. It’s not the way I feel starting any other week of the year. Real life comes in quick and reminds me that I don’t actually have all the time I wish I did, and unfortunately, I usually need time to make those resolutions happen. Resolutions are for a perfect world, and I don’t live in a perfect world.
I suspect I feel an extra push to turn over a new leaf in January. Not only is the whole world talking about it, but with a December birthday, I’m thinking about what I want the next year to represent. What changes I want to make, what I want to achieve before I hit another “big” birthday. In a year without concrete, obvious changes - a new job, a new place to live, a new relationship - it’s easy to think I wasted a year. It can be really hard to remember the small wins, especially when you only see people celebrating the big ones.
For the last two years, I’ve been loosely using Gretchen Rubin’s model to make a list of…well, not resolutions. My friend called it a wishlist, which I think is the perfect word. There may be resolution-like, practical items on my wishlist, like getting myself to start flossing regularly, but there’s also fun things, like going to see more events and performances this year. I’m excited that I’ve already checked one item off. #4, printing out pictures of the last ten years and gifting some to friends, has been on my wishlist for the last three years. I used that beginning-of-year energy to get it done, finding extra motivation when a CVS coupon for 10 cent prints showed up in my email. It was incredibly satisfying to know I’d already completed something on my wishlist, especially an item that had been lingering for so long. I also really enjoyed combing through old pictures and finding random gems. There’s one of my nephew and my grandfather sitting together on the couch. Both are absorbed in their own reading; my nephew hunched over his chapter book, my grandfather more relaxed behind his newspaper. Typical behavior for both of them. As I collected the photos I wanted to print in one folder, I also realized there were pictures I didn’t have, moments I forgot to capture with friends and family. I made a mental note to take more pictures with the people I love this year. Even if I’m two years “late” on printing out photos, no one else knew that. It didn’t impact the excitement in my friends’ faces when I was giving them copies of funny and fond moments, which was just the icing on the cake for me. It makes me think that I should add printing out pictures of the last year to every year’s wishlist.
Another reason I like thinking about the new year this way is that I’m less frustrated at the end of the year. While I certainly didn’t check everything off my #22for2022 wishlist (looking back, I realized I had never even put anything down for #21 and #22), the things I did achieve were important, and sometimes I had forgotten they were even on the list. #14 for 2022 was making changes in my career, and I made a big one - I got a new job in a new industry. #17 was getting my finances organized, and I had done that, too, via a spreadsheet and a physical binder. While there some other items I wish I had been able to complete, I was pleasantly surprised by what I had gotten done. Past me had a pretty decent idea of what I had needed last year. I toted some of my 2022 items over to my #23for2023 list, and I made sure I actually got all my items down in the first week of the year this time.
I know I won’t cross off everything on the list. But one of the things I really liked about looking at a new year this way is that every item doesn’t need to be a big, serious goal. #2 is to host more dinner parties. #23 is to make homemade rakhis for my cousins, since I have oodles of embroidery floss left over from cross-stitch projects. It’ll also be a good way to keep my hands busy when I’m watching TV, a habit I’m certainly not giving up anytime soon. #18 is to take a solo trip, something I haven’t done in a while. My wishlist makes me excited about what’s coming next, instead of feeling like I need to become a new person overnight. And that’s the way I want to start the year. Feeling happy, uplifted, excited; instead of worrying about finding time, fearing failure, and feeling frustrated. I know I can start something new anytime, not just in January, but that’s when I’m thinking about the coming year. The most important thing that I always need to remind myself when I look at the wishlist: it’s never too late.
